Alyssa has her sights set on her coworker, Jeff. They are just friends, but she's spent a great deal of time thinking about what kind of a boyfriend he would be. She loves their lighthearted, flirtatious banter, and imagines that their romantic life will follow suite. She is sure that they will have an effortless, passionate love life, filled with humor and fun times.

Jeff knows that Alyssa is single and available. Yet, he doesn't ask her out, even when she hints that she would like to join him away from the workplace. Occasionally they have lunch together, and talk about common interests. She doesn't know whether he is attached to someone--she's afraid to ask. If he is involved, she reasons, he'll soon come to his senses and realize that she's the one for him.

Alyssa has invested so much fantasy time on Jeff that she feels that she knows him much better than she really does. In her mind, she's danced with him (he's an amazing dancer,) dated him (he's always courteous and incredibly romantic) and met his friends and family (who are thrilled to see  him with such a perfect match.) She is so convinced of his superiority to other men that she's unable to see him as he really is: a coworker who has fun kidding around with her.

The saddest part about this is that while Alyssa is emotionally bonded to Jeff, she's not emotionally available for other men--guys who are actually interested in getting to know her.

While fantasies are often a part of dating, it's important to minimize them. Keep it real, and you'll discover someone who is truly compatible with you.