Dear Annie, I have been dating Jay for almost 2 months. Everything is going really well...when we're together, which is happening less and less. He's everything I've ever wanted in a man--smart, funny, energetic, loving, and nice looking to boot. When we first met, I was cautious about letting him into my life. I didn't want to take it too fast, but he was very persistent and pursued me with a passion. After my initial reluctance, I had to admit that I was thrilled to have him in my life. It's been a long time since I've felt this way.

The problem is that a couple of weeks ago, his ardor began to cool down. When we first met, he called me every day. Now, he's calling to plan our weekend, but not staying on the phone for more than a couple of minutes. He calls me briefly only once or twice during the week, saying that he's "busy with work". He leaves early on Sunday mornings because he "has to work." Now, this could be true, but the this behavior only began after we started sleeping together. I'm worried that he might be commitment-phobic, but I don't know how to ask. I really care for him, and I'll do what it takes to keep him around. We have such a fabuluous time together. Could it be that he feels same way that I do, but he just doesn't know how to handle it? Please help! Nancy

Dear Nancy,

It's wonderful when to meet someone who sweeps you off your feet. It's a great feeling, but it's easy to get carried away with what you think should be happening, rather than what is actually happening. Men mostly express their true feelings by their actions.

Perhaps he really is going through a temporary crunch at work. More likely, he's re-evaluating your relationship. When a man first pursues you, the intensity of his attraction often overwhelms everything else. As he gets to know you, he's able to see who you really are, and look at how that jives with his first impression of you. A man tends to continue on a romantic path for a while, then stop and analyze what has happened. He'll take that information and decide how he wants to move forward. Does he want to escalate or de-escalate the romance? Does he want to give you the message that he's serious about you, or has he decided that, while he you enjoys you for now, you're not "the one?" Perhaps he'll decide to move on. A man will usually back off while he's going through this process. Your best course of action is to stay busy and don't call. This may happen several times over the first year of a relationship.

Don't do "whatever it takes to keep him around". It's a recipe for disaster. Remember playing "tag" when you were a kid? Whoever was "it" ran like the dickens towards everyone else--who did everything they could to get away. It works like that in adult life, as well.

Mirror his distance. Don't be any more available than he is. If you don't have a verbal commitment of exclusivity, start meeting and going out with other men. Joining a dating website is one way to meet other men to date. You will be more confident if you feel that he is one of several possibilities. How he responds will speak volumes.

Here's to a great love life! Annie