Dear Annie, Where are all of the single men? I tried online dating and it was a disaster. A friend fixed me up on a blind date, and it was one of the longest evenings of my life. Am I doomed to a life alone unless I move to Alaska? Gail

Dear Gail, Do you remember those childhood puzzles where you had a picture, and you had to find 10 animals hidden in the picture? Once you figured out how to look at things differently, it was easy to spot them. The same dynamic occurs when you want to find single men. At midlife, most of them appear identical to married men, and they are reluctant to  send off signals saying, "I'm available."

Most men become shyer around women as they get older. After all, if they had an active dating life when they were younger, they may have been rejected by women hundreds of times. They're often a little gun-shy when it comes to approaching women. In fact, one of the more common questions men ask me is "How can I tell if a woman is interested so that I can feel comfortable approaching her?"

At midlife, it helps to adjust your expectations. You may not find strangers in hot pursuit. But, if you are friendly and outgoing, you will discover that available men are everywhere. Slow down, change your routine a little, and smile and say hello to strangers.  Single men are often at the prepared food section of a grocery store or deli around lunch or dinner, the gym, cafes, arts events or concerts--in other words, everywhere you go. The secret is to smile and talk to men wherever you see them. Begin talking with men you might ordinarily pass by--just for practice. Have fun with this, and men will respond positively to you. You'll soon be meeting all kinds of guys, and some of them will be single.

If you want to increase your odds of attracting men, always look your best when you leave the house. Men are always visual creatures, and when you look good, you'll get more attention.

Don't rule out online dating. It's a great way to meet people that you otherwise would never run into. It also gives you the feeling that there are a lot of men out there, so that you don't give off desperation vibes. I'll post some tips about successfully using online dating sites in the near future. In the meantime, check out my San Francisco examiner.com post: How to choose a great online dating site.

Here's to a great love life! Annie