Dear Annie,

I met "Joe" about 2 months ago. He swept me off my feet. He sent me flowers, called constantly, and told me that he couldn't believe how lucky he was to have met me. He said that he'd never met anyone like me. We went out a two or three times a week, spent weekends together, and our dates were incredibly romantic. We had long, meaningful conversations, and he was always complimenting me. Sex was amazing. I was convinced that we could have a fantastic future together.

A week ago, he didn't show up for a date. He stopped calling without explanation, and won't answer or return my calls.

What happened? I checked, and he's on Match.com everyday, so I know he's still alive. How can I get him to tell me what is going on? Why didn't he let me know if there was a problem so that we could work on it? What do I do to get him to talk to me, so that I could, at minimum, get some closure? Audrey

Dear Audrey, Ouch!! You have my total sympathy. This is one of the most devastating things a man can do. Unfortunately, you seem to be the victim of something known as the "phenomena of the disappearing man." It's incredibly difficult for the woman, as she wants to understand what happened to the relationship.

From Joe's point of view, this is what probably happened. He was very attracted to you initially. He jumped to the conclusion that you were The One who was going to make him happy. He was absolutely crazy about you. As you began to spend time together, he started to realize that you were not the solution to his problems--that perhaps you weren't The One. He didn't know how to break it to you and certainly didn't want to hurt your feelings. He kept seeing you, but was afraid to voice his doubts.

At some point, he decided that it wasn't going to work out. He couldn't figure out how to talk to you about it. He simply couldnn't face you, so he is avoiding you altogether. Probably, he is doing it for a day at a time, and telling himself that he'll talk to you about it when it makes sense to him. Which may never happen. If you see him around town, he probably will not have a satisfactory explanation--if he is willing to talk about it at all.

Of course, not every man communicates like this. Those who do have an unfortunate tendency to return to the scene of the crime. If Joe wants to resume the relationship, be aware that he is likely to do the same thing again.

OK, Audrey - it's time to move forward. Don't beat yourself up about what you did or said. This was about him, and his issues. Delete his numbers from your speed-dial. Call everyone you know and arrange social events to fill your spare time. Do not spend more than 5 minutes a day talking about him, analyzing what went wrong, or go to places that you might see him.

Put your profile on a dating site--I can help with that--and start talking to new guys. If you need support to do this, call me. Coaching can help. Here's to healing and moving towards a great love life! Annie