Annie, This caught my eye."The great question, which I have not been able to answer, is, What does a woman want?"Sigmund Freud

If Freud couldn't figure it out, I'm not in such bad company. Now you're a woman, but do you know what you--and they--want? I find that most women don't seem to know. When they think they do, either they are deluding themselves, and/or they keep changing their minds without telling anybody. Maybe it's unknowable.

I think that men should just give and take what they want from a relationship, and if it works for her fine, and if not she'll go elsewhere. I'm attractive, intelligent, retired from the tech industry -- and I'm a great dancer! Any words of wisdom? Richard

Hi Richard, It depends on the woman. Most of us know what we want. And we change our minds from time to time. After all, things around us change, and we adapt to changing situations or perceptions. It sounds like it's a matter of communication.

Many people have trouble being honest with a prospective or actual partner. Timing can be a factor. For example, when you are first dating, she may not know what she wants with you. She probably knows what she wants long-term, but doesn't know if you're the one who she wants it with.

In order not to "rock the boat", she might say what she believes you want to hear. This strategy often backfires--expectations could get based on mis-information. Many feel reluctant to ask important questions, especially those that concern sexuality, relationship status, intimacy and future plans.

In order to know what's going on with any potential (or current) love-interest, always ask direct questions, answer truthfully. It's OK to "I'm not sure" or "I can't answer that until we know each other better." Be honest about details. If she doesn't like it, it gives her real choices. And if she does like it - guess what? You've got a much better potential for a good relationship with her.