My friend likes the thrill of instant chemistry.  We keep telling her to get
to know him first, as a friend - and that is indeed what they become-- just friends. She now has lots of male friends but still no one special.  Her husband passed away 13 year’s ago now and all her choices have been bad ones.  What can we do to help her find the right Mr Right. She is English - I think she needs an English man…..Suzie

For some people, it feels safer to have the instant chemistry thrill. After all, when you're in your twenties, chemistry plays a big part in your every day life. When you're older, you forget that many other components played a part in your choice of a mate.

People often have learned to block out all chemistry when they make friends with people of the opposite sex. Once these boundaries are established, the friends respect them. However, they can be broken using non-verbal signals. Perhaps your friend could try to ignite sparks with one of her men friends using one or more of the following techniques.

Body Language speaks volumes. Mirroring is a way that we signal that we're in sync with someone. The next time she's out with a male friend, ask her to consistently mirror his body language. For example, he puts his right hand on his hip as they speak, she puts her left hand on her hip. It feels awkward, but it sends subliminal messages without her loosing face. Leaning closer to him when they speak, preening hair and clothing are also signals of availability. Hugging a little closeer for a second longer when they say good by also sends him a signal. All of these signal her openness to him on a subconscious level, and give him permission to move forward without having to risk losing the friendship.

He many move forward slowly. It will help if she's sending these signals to more than one guy, so that she doesn't get too invested in the outcome. If he's not interested, he will simply not respond, and their friendship will continue in the same vein as always.

For more information about chemistry, check out my Examiner column: Is chemistry working for you or against you?